January 15, 2007
Paul McCartney's Crimes Against Music
He may have been partly responsible for some of the greatest music ever recorded, but he's also guilty of some horrendous crimes against music. Lets review the worst of his offenses . . . At least read it before you start the flood of angry emails, OK?
5. Hey Hey/Tug of Peace
Mac tries funky instrumental ala Jeff Beck and reuses lines from previous album. Ends up sounding like South American porn music played on a Casio. And done badly at that. Ay Poppy!
4. Give My Regards To Broad Street
This could also be a crime against movies, but that's another list. Is this a useless waste of vinyl? Not totally, there is one decent song on it (No More Lonely Nights, with some great guitar work by David Gilmour), but did we really need three versions of it? The rest of the album is re-hashed garbage from previous works, and Macca didn't even try to reimagine the songs, he just re-recorded them. It's Crap-Tastic!
3. "Say Say Say" and "The Girl Is Mine"
Bad songs, duets with a not really cool anymore Michael Jackson (no, I don't care that one of them is on Thriller - it's the worst song on the album). One of them might be forgivable, but not both of them.
2. Ebony and Ivory
Hey Stevie - let's solve all the world's racial conflicts by comparing people to pianos. And can we really fuck up the analogy by saying people are the same, but can play in harmony? Doesn't harmony require that they be different? And has no one else noticed that the Black Keys are all on the BACK of the keyboard? We could forgive all of that if the song were actually any good, but it's just middle of the road sugary pablum. I much prefer the Sinatra/Wonder version . . . "I am dark and you are light" "You are blind as a bat and I have sight, side by side you are my amigo, Negro, let's not fight"
1. Wonderful Christmastime
The worst Christmas song ever. Bar none. From the bad Casio keyboards, the Choir of Children sing their song ding dong ding dong (and that's the BEST lyric in the song) If this is Paul's idea of a wonderful Christmastime, I'll stick with my family. The limey bastard would probably serve us up a tofu turkey anyway . . .
I was going to add "Letting Linda sing", but we'll cut Macca some slack on this one. At least Linda never tried to "hop away" with half his money.