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We're Putting The Band Back Together!

Because we forgot why we broke up in the first place!

Sounds like good news, right? A once great (or in some cases maybe not so much) band splits up, and then years later the members decide it's time to re-form and trot the old horse back out on the road.

Think again! In most cases, it's a bad idea. Strike that . . . in most cases it's a horrible idea. Almost every time this happens, it happens for one reason and one reason only. Cash. Money. Filthy lucre. Not that there's anything wrong with making some scratch, but that shouldn't be a reason to put the band together and go out on the road. Even if you want to forget the philosophical reasons behind art versus commerce (because we know guys like Jagger wouldn't know a philosophical argument if it bit them in the ass),
What about the poor bastards that are going to pay for it? Is that really how you want to go out? Milking money from the pockets of people who really dug you, and then have them walking out pissed off, saying "Fuck Mötley Crüe!"

Granted, sometimes it doesn't matter. Who's going to be disappointed by a reunited Journey? If you like Journey, you're immune to crap. So what if Steve Perry isn't on board. One whiny falsetto is as good as another, right? But Bad Company without Paul Rodgers - that's not cool. That's not Bad Company.

I'm not saying bands shouldn't reunite. I'm saying it's usually a bad idea. I've seen it work. I'm just saying more often than not it sucks, and it tarnishes any lingering cool you might have had (again, we see the "Journey exception" - they were NEVER cool).

The CyberMonkey radar has picked up signals that 5 bands are at least thinking about reforming this year, and with one exception, we're not shivering with anticipation.

It's official (at least for now), David Lee Roth is back in. That's right, my monk-lets, you finally have the chance to see Van Halen again fronted by arguably one of the best front-men ever. There is just one problem with that. Now, you have to be at least 30 to appreciate this next analogy, but the younger ones amongst you can follow along, and then ask one of your older friends to confirm that what I say is true. Remember the hot chick you always wanted to bang in high school? The one that you never got the chance to play sink the pink with? And one day, 10 or 20 years later, you run into her somewhere, sparks fly, and next thing you know you're thrashing around on a mattress with her. Let's be honest - the dreams were better, right? Hell, even you did nail her in high school, it usually doesn't live up to how you remembered it. So now you've ruined the fantasy, or ruined your good memories, because all you can think about is this sloppy drunk chick who isn't the girl you remember. That's David Lee Roth. Even worse . . . Michael Anthony is out. For me, there are two things that defined Van Halen. Eddie's guitar, and Michael's background vocals. Roth was replaceable, I don't think Michael is. And guess who's replacing him? Wolfgang Van Halen. Wolfie, you better be good . . . in fact, you'd better be great. Otherwise, you're just the guy who got in the band because he's Eddie's kid. Of course, this might all fall apart. I remember this was supposed to happen once before, and David made such an ass of himself at the MTV awards that Eddie and Alex remember why they broke up in the first place. Tour cancelled. CyberMonkey excitement on this one is very low . . . but what if? What if David recaptures his mojo? What if he works out and gets his kicks back? What if gets with a voice coach and gets the scream back? What if Lars wakes up tomorrow and has a soul? Not likely. It does make a little interested in watching the upcoming Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony, since we'll have Roth, Michael Anthony, and Sammy Hagar on the same stage together (if they all show up). Is it wrong of me to hope for a fist fight? Or at least a sissy boy slap party?

Well, sort of. It will be called The Smashing Pumpkins, and it will be Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin, but I don't know about this one. Does it really count without James Iha and D'Arcy? Then again, do I really care? A kick ass drummer and Billy Corgan whining . . .

This had the potential to be cool. I was almost excited when I heard it, even though I knew in my heart I was wrong. A "real" Genesis reunion might be cool - I think Peter Gabriel coming back could actually reignite a creative fire that would turn out some incredible music. Or it could suck. But nope, we're not talking even that much possibility. What we're talking is the Phil Collins era Genesis . . . and we can only pray they don't try to do anything new. If we're lucky, this is just a "grab the money and run" Greatest Hits tour.

Even if they do record some more music, it's just Sting doing the same thing he did for "Dream of the Blue Turtles". Getting some amazing musicians to back him up on an album of indulgent crap.

This one we're actually excited about. Iggy still has it, if you doubt that listen to his last solo album, "Skull Ring". The line up is the original Stooges line-up, with the exception of bassist Dave Alexander, who died from pneumonia in 1975. Filling in for Alexander is another of punk's greats, Mike Watt (formerly of The Minutemen, fIREHOSE). The Stooges have been touring this line-up for a few years now, and they've gone back in the studio for an album of all new material, due to hit in March. This could be awesome. Or it could suck. Cross your fingers.