February 25, 2008
Nicaraguan Orphans, The New England Patriots, and Magnificent Bastard
A modest proposal?
Hola, amigos! The Magnificent One was perusing the web the other day (as is my wont), bouncing from page to page in a totally random fashion (as also is my wont), when I came across this interesting article regarding the final disposition of all the shirts and caps that were printed up prior to the Super Bowl in anticipation of a Patriot victory (because we all know winning the Super Bowl just wouldn't feel special if you didn't get to put on a cool cap immediately). Of course, as most of us are now aware of, those shirts and caps were rendered moot as the Patriots were defeated by the those upstarts from New York (well, really from New Jersey, but that's a rant of a different color). So what the hell happens to all of the now terminally inaccurate schwag?Being good stewards, the NFL donated the erroneous apparel to poor children in Nicaragua.
Now, I could go off on a rant about how maybe if the NFL really cared about the poor they could donate something other than their unwanted castoffs . . . but that's really beside the point. Hell, I honestly have no idea what else those guys do, maybe they are all active philanthropists (but I doubt it). And I'm certainly going to commend them for donating to the poor rather than throwing the stuff in some landfill.
No, I'm not going to rant about that at all.
When I read that article, my first thoughts were of a totally different bent. I saw an awesome opportunity for these poor Nicaraguan kids to cash in on this turn of events. There are idiots (I mean collectors) out there who would pay serious cash for these shirts and caps. Patriot fans would want them. Giants fans would want them. Hipster doofuses would love to wear them out on the town. I don't know much, but I know one thing . . . shit like this will sell on Ebay! Even if these shirts would only bring $30 or $40 bucks (and I bet they'd bring more), $30 in Nicaragua is a lot of money. I've seen those Sally Fields commercials . . . you can feed a whole village for a month for the price of a cup of coffee, damn it . . . how much more for the cost of a piece of history that never happened!
Of course, lady lascivious pointed out to me that poor Nicaraguan children might not have access to Ebay, or PayPal accounts, or the Internet, or a computer . . . but I've never let anything like reality get in my way before, so why start now? I have Internet access, I have an Ebay account, I have PayPal, and best of all, I have no shame! So here's my idea. Those kids should send me their tshirts and caps (they don't even have to wash them, I have a washing machine). I'll post them on Ebay and sell them, and I'll send the money back to the kids. I won't even keep any of the money (well, I will cover the shipping fees, but not a penny more). I could even drop a few bucks on some bulk t-shirts from Target so they even have a new shirt . . . or two . . . or even three! It's genius.
Anyone know any poor Nicaraguan kids? Cause I'm fresh out . . .