July 28, 2008
Life Changing Albums - Fly By Night
or How Rush Taught Me To Love Myself And Find True Happiness
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I've done some things in my life that I'm not proud of. A decade of dirty deeds were done for dirt cheap bourbon and an excuse to get out of the house. All this combined with an unhealthy 5-year relationship and severe mental instabilities and we're talking tickin time bomb here. Luckily my rock-and-roll lifestyle got cut short, but not without a Smoking-Gun-worthy mugshot and a month in a posh Orange County rehab; hell, at least I went out in style. But that's not the point. The point comes about through the aforementioned 5-year relationship, during which all manner of mental abuses were injected into me with the efficiency of a Guantanamo guard trained in coerced testimony by the KGB and Jack Bauer. One of these little tidbits I clung to was an absolute abhorrence of Geddy Lee. Through much conversation, I was allowed to believe that Rush itself was alright, until that nasally cat-strangling voice kicked in. And I went along with it. I argued for it. When my friends were rocking out to Tom Sawyer, I was sulking in the corner muttering "fucking Geddy Lee. Goddamn bastard." Such was my hatred. Strange, then, that a cartoon meatball should change all that.
It was an absolutely normal evening some two years ago. Douchebag (as he will hereto be referred) and I spent most of the day drinking as usual, him his light beer and me with my anejo on ice (two limes). By the time we sit down in front of the tv, we're usually pretty blitzed. Especially if it's football season. So we pull up some shows he's recorded on the tv, and he plays an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force (episode #32: Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary). So I'm hammered and laughing hysterically at everything, but one thing gets me going to the point of tears: Meatwad singing "Fly By Night". At the time, it was pants-shittingly funny. Even now, it makes me chuckle with glee. But nevertheless, even in my drunken stupor, it stuck with me. Let's flash ahead now.
Soon Douchebag and I are having issues, cuz when I finally sobered up and pulled my head out of my sweet little ass, I realized that we were just so wrong for each other that it wasn't even worth drinking over. I was trying to find comfort in a few friends, but no matter how much you just don't want to be with someone, it's hard to throw away five years of really hard work. Finally, luckily, he crosses a line and it's over. I called it off. And boy did it suck. I won't go into it, but it really fucking hurt, no two ways about it. But I did what needed to be done. But that's not the point.
The point came maybe a month later, when I'm still reeling from reality and trying to get my shit back together. I'm sitting at the bus stop at 5:45am, waiting for the big orange behemoth to come careening around the corner and whisk me off into town so I can further my education. I've put my iPod on shuffle and am casually flipping through random songs, when I come across "Fly By Night". I stop. I lift my head and gaze into the distance for a moment. The sun is coming up over the cedars. I smile to myself, and I let it play. I listen to the whole song. Then, I listen to it again. "Fuck this," I say as I see my bus approaching, and I listen to the whole goddamn album. And again on the way home. I can clearly remember sitting on the curb and saying out loud, "I can't believe I've been missing all this!" The more I listen, the more I'm absolutely absorbed. On that first fateful day, I took up "Fly By Night" as my credo: Why try? Now why?
This feeling inside me says it's time I was gone
Clear head, new life ahead
Its time I was king and not just one more pawn.
Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night, goodbye my dear
My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend
Moon rise, thoughtful eyes
Staring back at me from the window beside
No fright or hindsight
Leaving behind that empty feeling inside
Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night, goodbye my dear
My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend
Start a new chapter
I find what I'm after
It's changing every day
The change of a season
Is enough of a reason
To want to get away
Quiet and pensive
My thoughts apprehensive
The hours drift away
Leaving my homeland
Playing a lone hand
My life begins today
So it was with this one song that I was converted, and the beautiful question arose in my mind: what else was he wrong about? "Fly By Night" taught me to question the "truths" I let other people set for me, to not live by someone else's rules, to stand up and be who I wanted to be and like the bands I fucking wanted to like whether you were okay with it or not, and if not, then FUCK YOU I don't need you anyways. One song accomplished in three minutes and twenty seconds what 20 years of public school "self-esteem" workshops and a long foray into religion couldn't do: it taught me to hold on to myself above all.
(aside: total gratification came when, 6 months after the breakup, I got engaged to the most rocking awesome man...if I still had a soul, he'd be it's mate...and for an engagement present from his brother, we went and saw Rush in concert. That's when I knew I had finally done something right.)
But Fly By Night is more than just an album that happened to come along at a crossroads in my personal life. It's a fucking great album. Period. This second release for Canada's children, Rush, was dropped in 1975 and was the first to include legendary drummer Neil Peart (not everyone knows that he's also the lyrical genius behind most of the album). Stylistically, it's got a lot of similarities to their first self-titled album: basically, it rocks. Here's the breakdown: Side One starts with "Anthem"...and, well, it really is. An ode to individualism, it features lines like "hold your head above the crowd and they won't bring you down", followed by "live for yourself, there's no one else more worth living for". "Best I Can" follows the same vein, but with a bit of a nasty side. Geddy insists "I do the best I can, I'm just what I am", while touting that he just likes to please, he don't like to tease, and he's an impatient cat. Inspiring line: "Got my sights on the stars, won't get that far but I'll try anyway". The third track, "Beneath Between Behind" has nothing to do with sexual conquest, but instead chronicles the downfall of America through its own promise and pride. Next, you're thrown into "By-Tor And The Snow Dog", in a land where dark princes do battle with ermine enemies (that's right, they used the word "ermine" in a song)...but don't underestimate the song's intensity, there's a lot of fantasy geeks out there who can really fuckin rock out. In close to 9 minutes, you're taken through an almost symphonic array of odd guitar effects and strange time signatures to tell the battle tale. (SPOILER: Snow Dog wins!)
On to Side Two. First up is the title track, "Fly By Night", which I've already commended in great detail. It's a fantastic song for any sort of starting over, once you realize that "my ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend." Next is "Making Memories"...a fun, maybe even endearing, account of life on the road. One can even find a bit of inspiration in the chorus, "You know we have our good days and we hope they're gonna last; our future still looks brighter than our past." Coming in at number three (or seven, depending on your method of enjoyment), there's "Rivendell". Now this one I've got a bit of a distaste for because I find it, well, boring. It's pretty, I guess, but not in a way that I want to listen to the entire five minutes. You're free to feel differently, the Magnificent Bastard certainly does. (Ah! I've found someone I can disagree with without damaging the rapport! That's why I'll marry him.) Last but not in the least at least, there's "In The End", which starts off slow and melodic and pretty, then kicks it up a notch at about 1:42. Situated strangely between rebellious and sweet, it's hard to really get a grip on what he's talking about in this one. I'll leave interpretation up to you, dear readers, and for once I'll keep my personal opinion to myself. Well, my dears, I'm sure you didn't come here to hear a sliver of my bespeckled past; you came here for the rock. Or did you... Either way, Fly By Night won't disappoint. Hell, it changed my life, made me the fucking brutal chick I am today. And if I ever bump into Geddy on the streets of the Great White North, I'm gonna give him a great big hug.