October 16, 2007
CyberMonkey Paleontologists - isn't it about time?
It's time dinosaurs rocked like the big mother lizards they were!
Paleontologists have discovered a new species of giant dinosaur in Patagonia. It was apparently over 100 feet long, over 40 feet tall . . . one of the three largest dinosaurs ever discovered. They are calling it a new species of titanosaur . . . which is latin for big mother-fuckin' lizard.
So what did they name this giant among giants? Futalognkosaurus dukei. They might as well have named it Boring-ass-lame-osaurus. Why do paleontologists insist on using such totally uncool names? These guys (and gals) spend their lives out in the field digging up fossils, seeing some really cool shit, and this is the best they can come up with? Even when they try to be cool, they get it wrong. One recent find was named Masiakasaurus knopfleri . . . ooooh, we're so edgy, we named a lizard after that guy from Dire Straits! Or how about this guy (see the picture to the left), pretty wild looking, huh? Like a real life dragon running loose in South Dakota. This bad-ass should have a name that screams at you to grab your balls and run like hell . . . and they named it Dracorex Hogwartsia. A living breathing dragon, and it gets a name from Harry Potter? Where the hell are the CyberMonkey paleontologists? Big bad ass lizards should have big bad ass names. This new giant mofo? How about Funkasaurus Rex . . . or even the Bonscottadon? I could get behind that. And a dinosaur that looks like a damn dragon, that maybe WAS a damn dragon . . . shouldn't that be the RJ Diosaurus? Where's the MaidenSaur?
CyberMonkeys, rise up! Storm the universities, stage a protest, and make your demands known. We can't fix the lameness of the past, but one of these days, sooner than later, they're gonna find a new species of velociraptor, and when they pick a name . . . there is only one choice we'll accept.
Lemmysaurus Kilmeisterdon!!!