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Terrifying Girl's High School: Lynch Law Classroom

"I only do guys to wash out the aftertaste."
Starring: Miki Sugimoto, Reiko Ike, Rei Saotome, Tsunehiko Watase
Rating: 8/10
Directed By: Norifumi Suzuki
Runtime: 88 minutes

Not very often does a movie so original in its approach to story, character, and occurrences come along and defy any recognizable attempt to plot summarize, let alone review, and let me tell you, my loyal monkeys, that this film is it. I have been a devotee of Asian cinema for quite some time and am passingly familiar with the pinku style of film - porno of a sort, yet far more story driven and less about penetration than its American cousins sexploitation and erotica- and have viewed some amazing parodies done as pinku films, such as the Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hani, but I had yet to be exposed to the Pinky Violence genre. My good pal Leo Alberti from Minnesota, also a devotee, sent these to me for my birthday, and I sat down this evening to see what it was all about. At the end I knew 2 things: first, I was writing this up; second, I couldn't write this up. This film is Mean Girls combined with Battle Royale combined with Suicide Circle, yet surpasses all of them with a sheer illogic and delirious mayhem. I figured since director Suzuki gave me such a hard job in figuring his movie out, I would return the favor and give you my impressions by incidents of heinousness cataloged by minute with bits of choice dialogue thrown in, which I am positive will be exactly what the script for this thing looks like. As always, this is sure to offend somebody and if it doesn't I haven't done my job, nor has Suzuki, but if easily offended please read on.

Min. 0:31: movie totally opens with a student named Michiyo tied to a board getting her shirt ripped open and her breasts cut with a scalpel by the school's discipline squad. They attempt to drain Michiyo's blood - "A person dies when 1/3 of their blood is drained. Didn't you learn that in Biology?"- but she escapes to the roof and falls off in an apparent "accident."

In the next 8 minutes we find out that the school in question has been "a model for the education of girls" for the last 25 years and we are introduced to our heroines, and three more charming girls you could never meet. There is "Razor Blade Remi," busted 5 times, a cowgirl-dressed switchblade sister; Kyoko Kubo, busted 7 times, 11 minutes in masturbates a truck driver until he kills a pedestrian; and Noriko "the Cross" Kazama, busted 4 times, gang leader and car thief. They are told they "disgraced our school as soon as you got to town." They knew Michiyo and want to discover the truth of her "accident."


Min.13: The discipline committee makes the clique in Mean Girls look like Romper Room. The first thing they do is strip the girls of their underwear and verbally harass our heroines.

Min 15: Naked shower scene. The discipline squad then performs a "sex check" - a minute genital examination from whence my tag line was nabbed plus "Have sex with me and I'll drive you insane" - which if declined turns into a full-blown slobberknocker! All in the first 20 minutes!

Min 26: a girl using the toilet is manipulated by a discipline committee member into having lesbian sex in a scene intended to impart the first solid lead that Michiyo was murdered.

Min 35: Disciplinary member from minute 26 is discovered in her treason and is raped by a lit light bulb which the other members make blow up inside her.

Min 40: A girl pisses herself in class.

Min 42: The girls sexually assault the principal and audio tape it - this has been my recurring dream for the last 50 years - using it to strike a blow against the repressive administration.

For the next 13 minutes a strange biker chick gang leader challenges Noriko "the Cross", who appeals for more time to discover the identity of her friend's murderers. The biker agrees but only if Noriko can jump a bunch of barrels on a motorcycle (?!) which she does in a not tense scene.

Min 55: A blackmailer (?!) shows up and gets the girls to screw a bunch of politicians to gain his assistance (?!).

Min 57: Discipline committee questions the student body by going "American" on them with exposed wires on their naked bodies. Our heroines bust in to break it up but are stopped by the cops who proceed to slap them around and assist the committee in stripping them, then leave (?!).

Min 60: Scenes of electric torture.

Min 63: Mayor pimps a schoolgirl to a visiting school board official for an advancement opportunity! We get a plot point which reveals the blackmailer wants to stop this behavior and profit from these indiscretions! Our heroines are saved by the biker!

Min 69: Raped girl from minute 63 hangs herself in school, cops push around the girls, classwomen are in disarray with no way to fight back...but is there? "Shut up. You're only a student." The girls eject the cops and Noriko and the head of discipline rumble with excellent violence and nudity. We get another plot point: the corrupt assistant-cum-principal is only interested in advancement, and the Anniversary will help make his career! "No matter what we must make it through this school's anniversary."

Min 74: The principal's assistant Michiko is violated by the school board official's portable fan.

"You're wet. Nice and damp. It almost looks like rain tomorrow." The official is caught in the act by the blackmailer and our revenge squad. "If you don't pull out we'll have to take you both."

The students boycott the ceremony for the school's 25th Anniversary and, in a stunning finale at minute 80, go all Battle Royale and completely demolish the school, awaiting the police with sticks and rocks and generally destroying anything they can get their hands on.

Our heroines are all arrested yet satisfied justice has been served. Our Blackmailer is out his scratch but still cool enough to light his cigarette off a burning tire before tripping during his big exit.

Now see if you can synopsize that. This may have been my first foray into the realm of Pinky Violence, but it certainly won't be my last, nor will I hope it be yours. If you are a fan of gonzo film in all it's spectacle, or just desire to see Mean Girls without Hollywood interference, I sincerely hope you check this thing out.