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National Treasure 2 - Book Of Secrets

"Oh, yeah, that's where they slit the throat and cut the heart out."
Starring: Nicholas Cage, Ed Harris, John Voight, Diane Kruger, Harvey Keitel, Helen Mirren
Rating: 5.5/10
Directed By: John Turteltaub
Runtime: 124 minutes

First, a few words about National Treasure. I was predisposed to hate that movie. I do not enjoy post-Little Mermaid Disney at all and their "actual movies" by in large have been garbage (The Pacifier, etc.), as has the larger portion of Nicholas Cage's career. Seeing as how National Treasure was a Nic Cage movie done by Disney I knew I wanted no part of it yet watched it anyway. Now, barring that the history is faulty at best, the movie was rather enjoyable; kind of a mentally-challenged Indiana Jones but one that did not fill me with the usual feelings of shame and wasted time. Now comes National Treasure 2 which Hollywood knows you're gonna like better because there's a 2 at the end. Means you liked the first one enough for us to make another and they're always better, right? Now, let's put the sarcasm on hold for a second. This one is done by the same team that did the first one, right down to the director. So, says logic, it should be at least as good as the first one, right? Let's see.

One thing that carries over from the first film is the thin plot made up of hastily thrown together events and Nic Cage cementing his role as the MacGyver of history by pulling solutions out his ass for any problem. IMDb says "[Cage] discovers the truth behind the Lincoln assassination by solving the mystery of the missing 18 pages of the Booth diary." I say "Cage puts his career, his life and his family's life in danger (all of whom deserve it) to clear his great-great-great grandpa's name because Ed Harris says he's named in the Booth Diary (kinda 'my grandad's not as crooked as your grandad' and John Voight (Cage's pa) is all het up about it." Pretty much the same thing but I believe my version puts the 12 year old mentality in perspective. Yet you have to top the first one. How? Well, a map in Lady Liberty for starters. The one in France (which is nice but small). And use a remote helicopter to find it. And bullshit with Frog cops about Montesquieu (political philosopher during the Enlightenment 1689-1755). From there we hit England and break into Buckingham Palace, then to D.C. and the White House to the Library of Congress to Mount Rushmore. Then it's straight-up Carl Barks "7 Cities Of Cibola" nonsense (not to disparage Barks, who is a personal hero but to totally disparage this flick).

All right, the plot is there at least. Sub plot? Yes, and it's genius. There is marital dysfunction between Diane Kruger and Nic Cage. Creates another "tension." Kruger thinks Cage takes her for granted by ignoring her opinion because he knows what the answer will be. She, like the recently "suspended for drugs" Steven Regal, feels disrespected. Riley (Justin Bartha), Cage's aide-decamp, feels the same way. In another shocking sub-plot, Cages parents, Helen Mirren and Voight, also don't like one another! Will there be obvious reconciliations by the end? You bet your $4.32! As we all know, huge emotional trauma tends to reunite estranged couples (Kate Moss/Pete Doughtry), why not two?

How about the actors? Nic Cage does ok at this particular role. Harvey Keitel is in the movie, like, 10 minutes. This is a total underutilization of a star of his caliber and smacks of "let's get a name in this role," as does Helen Mirren. She translates and swings on a rope. Oh, and disses Voight a lot and well-deservedly. It seems like this guy helped make Angelina Jolie and then went back to being a bad actor. The script, near as I could make out, called for Voight to act "doddering" which Voight, doddering himself anyway, interpreted as "flat-out retarded." He drools, fails to realize and stumbles drunkenly through every scene he's in. You want to slap him around so bad and there is a screaming sense of injustice when he survives at the end analogous to Val Kilmer's inexplicable survival at the end of the mediocre (no better than this, really) Heat (1995), another Voight spectacular. Frankly, not one character is written or portrayed with any passion or drive except Cage.

Anything good at all? The President (Bruce Greenwood) is likable. Ty Burrell is good as always. Um, Randy Travis has a cameo (is he in Slayer?). Uh, there's a kind of clever desk puzzle and the President's Secret Book idea is actually genius. It really comes down to Ed Harris. Take away the fact he's the obvious bad guy from ten minutes in (and he hasn't really done anything yet) - except to Cage who gets it at minute 37 when he and Harris lock eyes and Cage grunts the immortal phrase "Wilkinson! He's the one after the treasure!" Way to be 20 minutes behind! - and the tired "redemption before death" cliché and the random 25 minutes he disappears from the film completely and Ed Harris is a total bad-ass. He's the kind of guy who can get guns in a country (England) that has no guns! "Believe me, I don't need the guns," and I do, Ed, I do. He's obnoxious and arrogant from the start, he's a "me first" guy in terms of survival and greed, he radiates "wrong team" which makes him the right team, you know what I'm saying? He's even helpful... when it benefits Ed Harris. Suffice to say, you remove Ed Harris from this vehicle and there's no point to watch.

In summation, the movie is not terrible, nor is it in any way good. You'll watch it because you watched the first one and you'll think it's ok. Because it is. Ok. At best. There's running around, a good deal of yelling, more problem solving than any Batman film and there you go, two hours of your life, gone. Wait for cable (because anything cut out would be an improvement) or con a pal into paying for it. Maybe a free rental coupon. Then it'll be ok.