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Girl Boss Guerilla

"I'm not into legs. I'm into what's between them."
Starring: Miki Sugimoto, Naomi Oka, Chi Kobayashi, Reiko Ike
Rating: 7/10
Directed By: Norifumi Suzuki
Runtime: 84 minutes

One full year before shocking and dazzling the world with Terrifying Girl's High School: Lynch Law Classroom ( yet the same year he established the Classroom series) Norifumi Suzuki delivered Girl Boss Guerilla, one of many entries in the successful Delinquent Girl Boss film series and another stellar example of the variety and outrageousness that have come to define the Pinky Violence subgenre. Suzuki this time offers more of a straight action movie than Lynch Law and, though tamer by degrees, still manages to advance enough crazy situations and exploitative elements to entertain even the most jaded filmgoer.

What story there is centers around the Red Helmet Gang, a group of delinquent biker girls, as they strive to establish themselves as the lead gang in Koyoto and their subsequent trials and tribulations in their rise to power. Suzuki wastes no time in proving these girl's bad-assery as they are immediately harassed by some bikers who want their amorous attentions. Sachiko (Miki Sugimoto), the leader, takes matters into her own hands as she bares a tattooed breast in the boys' general direction and proceeds to beat the hell out of them along with Ukko, "Speedy" Yuki and Linda. This sets a pattern of problem solving Sachiko and her gang will use throughout the film to achieve their dream of takeover. The first step to a good power grab is to establish cash, which the girls do in an ingenious amount of ways, all centering around the concepts of sex and violence. Linda takes a guy to a graveyard and sexually harasses him, robs him and punches him in the nuts. Ukko decides she'll "have to use her last resort to bring in some dough" and is advised to "grab his nuts and squeeze them to bits." Ukko does as instructed but forgets to grab the money! The girls even fight rival girl gangs during a shakedown, prompting a brutal one-on-one match between Yuki and the underboss. After victory, the Red Helmet Gang is invited to a meeting of all the local girl gang bosses where Sachiko announces their takeover plan. This does not go over too well and begets a battle between Sachiko and head boss Rivi which, as you'd expect from a Suzuki pinku, turns into a brutal shirt-ripping, hair-pulling frenzy. Even in victory, however, the girls are on the verge of getting mobbed until Nami (Lynch Law's Reiko Ike) shows up to stop the ganking. She apparently is the old boss and sister of the local Yakuza underboss who has been on vacation. She chews out the Kyoto gangs and allows Sachiko to take over.

End of film, right? Wrong. We need more chicks! A nun (?) steals Linda's bike and the girls chase her down to retrieve it, injuring her leg in the process so off they take her to a gynecologist, a doctor known for his leg-healing skills and powers of observation. "You're bald on top but super hairy down below. You should get it cut once and a while. Guys don't want to look at this." Turns out the doctor had been banging his patients so the girls take advantage of this moneymaking opportunity to soak him for 200,000 yen. What to do with this windfall, you ask? Reward the nun by inducting her into your gang topless, of course! And how, you ask? By tattooing her breast topless! If any more was in mind the yakuza busting in and flat out taking the girls' money sure put a stop to that. Nami comes to the rescue and prevents further yakuza-related chaos. But this prompts Sachiko to challenge her to a fight for primacy in another shirt-ripping extravaganza that ends in a heartwarming bonding session. So we need more money. How is this cash obtained? By blackmail of a priest, of course. And what a blackmail. While Ukko does the deed, the other girls wait at the cistern for the nun to eject the condom, which she does on Linda's head, for additional proof. Pure success! Until the yakuza come to take the money.

Sachiko and the girls are smart enough to recognize this pattern of yakuza laziness so they attempt to fight back and are betrayed by the other girl gangs! Sachiko's solution? Attempt to kill the yakuza boss which fails miserably and results in her rescue by Ichiro, a boxer-in-training. Sachiko, always demure and proper, bones him immediately, sort of. He also slaps her around and causes her underwear to disappear in an excellent editing gaffe. This begins a sub-plot of the yakuza's attempted takeover of boxing by attempting to pressure the boxing commissioner that due to Ichiro's impetuousness the yak is owed ½ of the title fight's money. This is only to further the conflict between the Red Helmet Gang and the yakuza. The girls decide they need more money to stem the evil tide and again blackmail a priest who also gifts Ukko with the clap. Ukko is a positive person and turns her frown upside down by whoring herself out for cash and spreading the clap around to the whole of Koyoto. The yakuza, meanwhile, kidnap the boxing promoter's daughter to force complicity and it's up to our girls, and Nami, to rescue her in a slow-ass motorcycle chase.

You knew all this excitement must come to a head and it does when the yak capture the gang, tie them up and beat them with sticks, threatening them with band-saw mutilation until Ichiro Mike Tyson's to a short lived rescue - short lived because he is stabbed to death! This fires up the Red Helmet Gang, who proceed to track down every girl gang member who betrayed them and mete out justice by dragging them behind motorcycles and beating on them with sticks ("this is what you get for selling us out and turning against us!"). Of course this is just a warm-up for the main event - fucking up the yakuza for Ichiro's death and general pain-assery.

Sachiko yet again makes an attempt on the boss' life and is suspended from the ceiling by a rope and beaten with sticks, tied topless to a chair and beaten by sticks, then chained prone topless and beaten by sticks, then the ceiling again topless and burned by fire until Nami and a shotgun intervene! Victory! Yet, no - Nami is betrayed by her brother and given to the boss who strips her naked and chokes her into unconsciousness. She is then freed by her brother and told to fuck off. Sachiko uses all her pent up rage and problem-solving ability to come up with her greatest plan yet: she builds a bomb to "blow them to bits at exactly 10:30am!" She proceeds to chase the yakuza down, deftly dodging the insults they hurl and run them off the road, tricking them into stealing her car and blowing them to shit at exactly 10:30am as promised. The Red Helmet Gang then leave Nami to her own devices and ride off to their next adventure.

Girl Boss Guerilla combines the interpersonal quest story exemplified by Easy Rider and the deft problem solving adventure of Death on the Nile with the action of Cobra and the insanity of Tomb Raider in one giant thrill-fest. If Lynch Law Classroom seems too gratuitous, Girl Boss Guerilla will deliver all the thrills in a slightly more "like an actual movie" way. Highly recommended for those tired of Hollywood's cookie-cutter action films but don't take my word. Watch the trailer below and judge for yourself.