movies
What sort of movies do CyberMonkeys like? What do we hate? We'll tell you the good, the bad, and the "so bad it's good", and even what movies suck worse than "Van Helsing".
My Name is Bruce
"You chatter just like a little monkey. That's my name for you; chattering monkey." - 10/28/08
Seventh Moon
"It's amazing you could achieve that for $5000." - Robert Lambert to Eduardo Sánchez - 10/09/08
The Short Films of Nacho Vigalondo
Magnificent Bastard loves Nacho, Tron loves Nacho, and we think you should too! - 10/09/08
Doctor Infierno
"The youth of today are on drugs all the time." - 10/09/08
South of Heaven
"I'll make a deal with you. You show me you're serious, and I'll show you I'm reasonable." - 10/08/08
The Wild Man of the Navidad
Let's go get that bugger! Let's lynch that son of a bitch! - 10/02/08
Astropia
If you don't like this movie, Magnificent Bastard doesn't like you! - 10/02/08
The Brothers Bloom
The movie is good, but Bang Bang is awesome! - 10/01/08
The Tingler! (in Percepto!)
Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic! But SCREAM! Scream for your lives! - 09/29/08
Foet
How far would you go for fashion? - 09/10/08
Tropic Thunder
The cybermonkey in me likes the "decapitated head joke" side, while the kid in me likes the "Fart joke" side! - 08/02/08
Diary of the Dead
"I thought Amish were friendly folk." - 07/22/08
Righting Wrongs
"You must be ok to have a Porsche." - 07/21/08
The Last Supper (Saigo no bansan)
Reminds you of the first time you ate human flesh! - 07/20/08
The Room
"Well, the results came back - I definitely have breast cancer." - 07/13/08
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
"Mignola's the guy with the beard, right?" - 07/10/08
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
"Put your hands down, will ya? You're embarrassing us." - 06/15/08
Tombs of the Blind Dead
"I don't believe in this superstition. It is stupid. The whole thing is stupid." - 06/14/08
National Treasure 2 - Book Of Secrets
"Oh, yeah, that's where they slit the throat and cut the heart out." - 06/13/08
Iron Man
"I got caught doing a piece for Vanity Fair." - 04/28/08
Forbidden Kingdom
A Fantasy-Fu flick for the action crowd! - 04/19/08
Prom Night
"Let's go back to the van. I think I need another joint." - 04/17/08
Road To Bali
A film from a time before we knew Bing Crosby pulped his kids - 03/24/08
National Lampoon's Class Reunion
In which Tron takes another look at a film from National Lampoon, that, while it isn't as good as Vacation, is better than Vegas Vacation . . . and that's gotta be a good thing. - 03/22/08
The Blood of Fu Manchu
"Let him wait like an ant upon an anvil, never knowing when the hammer blow will strike." - 03/19/08
The Castle of Fu Manchu
"Therefore, I am displeased." - 03/19/08
Return to Horror High
"Now I gotta show ya what $17.50 and tip is worth." - 03/03/08
Swordsman II
"Those betrays me must be killed." - 03/03/08
Mad Doctor of Blood Island
"If I ever killed anyone in cold blood, I'd probably do it for profit." - 02/17/08
Bio-Zombie
"I always told you I would kill one day." - 02/16/08
They Live
"Hey, brothers, there's something new going down." - 01/27/08
The Blob
Tron brings us a blast from the past - 01/24/08
Rambo
Stallone brings his Ranger back from the dead! - 01/23/08
Cloverfield
I don't care what I said - I wanna see the monster more! - 01/19/08
Teeth
Every man's worst nightmare? - 01/18/08
Death Wish
"Stick 'em in concentration camps. That's what I say." - 01/10/08
Death Wish 2
"We all look the same to whitey anyway." - 01/10/08
Danger: Diabolik
Tron is on a spy flick kick! - 12/14/07
For Your Height Only
"That little man has done it to us again. He's made a monkey out of the forces of evil!" - 12/13/07
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
Humans... the other white meat... Unless you're black, then it's dark meat... Or if you are Asian, then it's yellow meat... Or if you are Native American, it's red meat... - 12/08/07
Giovannona Coscialunga (Giovannona Long-Thigh)
"As you wish, we don't give a fuck." - 12/08/07
Gymkata Killer (Challenge of the Tiger)
"Maybe she doesn't like to dine with famous matadors, hadn't you thought of that?" - 12/02/07
Girl Boss Guerilla
"I'm not into legs. I'm into what's between them." - 12/02/07
No Country For Old Men
What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss? Call it, friend-o. - 11/17/07
Terrifying Girl's High School: Lynch Law Classroom
"I only do guys to wash out the aftertaste." - 11/11/07
Last Man on Earth (1964)
Been there, done that . . . Take that, Will Smith! - 11/08/07
Saw IV
Bloody disgusting fun! - 11/04/07
30 Days Of Night
It's cold, it's dark, it's isolated from the rest of the world. All we need now is . . . VAMPIRES! - 10/21/07
The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell
The world's about to get a shitload brighter . . - 10/15/07
Black Sheep
Just when you thought a sheep couldn't drive. - 10/11/07
Wild Zero
There are no boundaries in Rock and Roll! Believe in Rock and Roll! - 10/10/07
Far Out
Phil Mucci and the Hive are back with a new short that's . . . groovy, man! - 10/04/07
The Orphanage (El Orfanato)
Tron saw it before you did! - 10/04/07
Aachi and Ssipak (Achi-wa ssipak)
I can has a juicy bar? - 09/29/07
The Backwoods
Don't mess with the locals, how much clearer can I be? - 09/29/07
Exte (Hair Extensions)
Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair . . . - 09/28/07
Sunshine
The thinking man's sci-fi for the new millenium? - 08/04/07
I Like Killing Flies
Why the hell would anyone want to watch a documentary about a small neighborhood restaurant in Greenwich Village? Because it's awesome! - 07/15/07
Once
A simple, yet beautiful, love story about the power of music and its ability to bring people together. - 06/28/07
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Worst movie of the summer? Maybe . . . - 06/16/07
Tideland
Remember when movies were more than escapist junk food? - 06/10/07
Hostel: Part II
The King of Torture-Porn raises the bar and then throws a severed body part over it! - 06/03/07
28 Weeks Later
Sequel heaven, zombie hell! - 05/12/07
Spiderman 3
Your favorite web-slinger swings back into action for a threequel that's kind of like kissing your sister . . . it's fun at first, but ultimately it leaves you less than satisfied. - 05/06/07
Hot Fuzz
The perfect film for anyone who ever wanted to shoot two guns at once whilst flying through the air. - 04/21/07
The Hills Have Eyes II
Boring, boring, stupid, boring. - 03/24/07
AMERICAN HARDCORE: THE MOVIE
This ain't your little sister's punk rock. - 03/20/07
300
GLORIOUS! - 03/09/07
Reno 911!: Miami
Did you like the TV show? Because that's all the movie is. - 02/24/07
Seraphim Falls
An art-house western that doesn't involve gay cowboys! - 02/07/07
Alpha Dog
Effective portrayal of troubled youth - 01/15/07
Notes On A Scandal
Fun and nasty little gem about the power of secrets - 01/15/07
Volver
Vibrant melodrama that continues the Spanish auteur's exploration of women - 01/15/07
The Good Shepherd
An epic depiction of the birth of the C.I.A. - 01/02/07
Casino Royale
An entertaining re-imagining of an iconic franchise - 01/02/07
Black Christmas
Another horror masterpiece receives the remake treatment - 01/02/07
Trailer Park Boys: Seasons 1 & 2
A Canadian TV show that's a dead on copy of Friends, except the friends are pot growing ex-cons, and they all live in a trailer park. And it's in Canada. ALERT: contents may contain members of RUSH. - 11/26/06
Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
The next review asked me to read this - Do not see this movie unless you want to have your ass rocked off! - 11/22/06
Babel
The first film that is truly worth calling -important- - 11/21/06
The Gravedancers
Would you like a little blood with your cheese? - 11/21/06
The Abandoned
After Dark HorrorFest – A fascinating but flawed haunted house flick - 11/21/06
Dark Ride
After Dark HorrorFest – It’s 50 minutes of pure horror entertainment. Unfortunately it’s 90 minutes long. - 11/21/06
Flags Of Our Fathers
Harsh Times
It's Training Day all over again - 11/13/06
Stranger Than Fiction
Will Ferrell takes a stab at a serious role. - 11/12/06
Murder-Set-Pieces
Beaux flings pooh at an already crappy film! - 11/05/06
Savage Sinema From Down Under (Box Set)
Two little known treasures in this box set - 11/05/06
Street Fight
Corruption starts at the local level! - 11/05/06
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
More funniest movie-film of year.high five! - 11/04/06
Dust Devil
A cult gem and one of the best DVD bargains of the year. - 11/04/06
Dark Waters
The best Argento movie that Dario never made - 11/04/06
The Queen
An absorbing and elegant film about what happens when ideas (past and present) clash - 11/01/06
Saw III
Finally! - A horror franchise that grows better with each installment - 10/31/06
Ils (aka Them)
A Horror movie that manages to overcome its French pedigree - 10/22/06
The Last King Of Scotland
The football player from Fast Times at Ridgemont High plays a different kind of madman - 10/21/06
The Prestige
Dueling magicians . . . but it's cool! - 10/21/06
The Grudge 2
Seventh time's not the charm for Japanese helmer - 10/15/06
The Departed
Scorsese gives a modern Hong Kong classic the Goodfellas treatment - 10/14/06
Isolation
A dark, atmospheric horror movie that revisits a time when horror movies weren't afraid to be scary. - 10/06/06
The Fountain
Darren Aronofsky brings us a sci-fi movie, one that thrills the senses and asks the big questions about love, death, spirituality, and existence. - 09/28/06
Pan's Labyrinth
Innocence Has A Power Evil Cannot Imagine - 09/27/06
Shinobi: Heart Under Blade
Finally - an art movie with Ninjas! - 09/26/06
Blood Tea and Red String
An indescribable masterpiece - 09/26/06
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Take a trip down memory lane with Texas' First Family of Cannibalism - 09/26/06
Simon Says
Crispin Glover, pick axes, and blood - Oh My! - 09/24/06
The Hamster Cage
A film about the wickedness of family and the hilarity of incest. - 09/22/06